Aloha my friends!
From my GW notebooks for guitar, from my life, just noticing everything I have done usually follows this pattern:
interest —> deep interest —> stable integration into self.
For example
(I’m going to take examples from my own life…I know, I know…so touchy feely…but that’s all I really know…)
before our first child is born, my daughter Kavya, I am really worried.
Tomo says don’t worry! That is the truth!
But I must confront worry to play.
I don’t want to be like the worst of what I’ve seen. I want to be the best, for this young life.
But a few years prior I left school after 14 years (crazy, yes, I know…) but I don’t want to hurt people, I don’t want to take more than my family needs…. I feel very stuck. What do I do? Strong emotions. Boundary conditions. I find a video of Peter Draws. I draw a nice line. Looks good, then draw another nice line next to it. Ah interesting, keep doing that.
Then I start asking artists how did you learn to draw, so many words no answers. I keep drawing lines.
Actually before this I wanted to paint with watercolor. Before water color, I love to see how Japanese masters paint a circle in one stroke. I don’t know what it means, looks cool, and whoa they are really into it. Why does this art form exist, I wonder.
Then I find other books. I find them on Amazon and research there and go buy at local book store because f*** Amazon.
But I’m just a guy.
But still drawing lines.
Then from the lines emerge paintings, and me.
My wife asks, are you going to sell these?
No, I say, I’m not an artist.
She says, yes you are…then I wonder wtf is an artist…I read about the creative process…I want to keep drawing, painting but how do I keep doing this…because aaah baby!…beautiful baby…so much poooop…that’s ok…she is my beautiful baby…I will change her…diaper…or is she changing me…hmm…
Yes, it goes on, forever.
Because it is the only way to present the truth. The truth is presented to those who find their way to the path long after I pass, with deep empathy, compassion.
Because I know how hard it was to realize the truth.
Because they only find their way to the path, only if they get lost or stuck.
The truth is offered, for positive generational change. This is the path.
Anyway this is the pattern:
Interests arise for deeply personal reasons. The student keeps returning to the interest, in order to live, with joy.
Then others see this.
Then others find their way to teachers, which are themselves students.
Then there is a community.
There is activity about the interest both inside and outside the community.
When there is a community, I believe sustainability for the artist will arise.
So. To play guitar, I must realize I am the student and the teacher, and as Tomo says, be kind to yourself! Then I must become the teacher, then I must become the community, then I will realize the truth.
I would like to be a teacher like this.
https://lareviewofbooks.org/short-takes/mr-mudrick-is-100
My mother’s family are all science and math teachers, eng, like national level in India.
My grandfather was the first. His father was a farmer. His mother passes when he is young. His father remarried. He is now both inside and outside the family.
He goes to the temple every morning, then boom, he is a physics professor.
Three sons, then three daughters, my mother is second to the last. She is a top student, she wants to become a doctor…but she leaps to America in 1968. She leaps for a man she has never met, well just a few times. She says he’s a little dark but he’s a good man. Hahaha. My mom’s family has super light skin color, not-white.
He lives where the streets are lined with gold. Where people chant “power to the people!”. Then I am born…I wonder what she experienced. I wonder if she cries, and smiles at the same time while she changes my diapers. Thank you Amma. I would not be here without you. Thank you Acha, I would not be here with out you.
I wonder if this is what stability and sustainability mean: